Vampire Cat
by Miss Whoniverse
Summary: Extended. Edward and Bella are married. Bella is not yet a vampire but it is coming. She has a wicked idea and drags Jasper along. Funny and fluffy! Would be a oneshot but too many people liked it. ENJOY AND REVIEW! No lemons, sorry 8D
1. Pet Store

**Oneshot. The idea came to me and I decided it was worth writing. I hope you enjoy it!**

**Also, the phrase "What amuses you so, my love?" is coined by ME and I use it in lots of my stories. If it happens to be in Breaking Dawn; I will sue Stephenie Meyer for stealing MY thingy thing. MWAHAHAHA!**

**I had writers block from my other stories and I thought this would be a good icebreaker to my creative mesh.**

**Enjoy and review! Don't forget to check out my other stories too.**

**Also, finally, the quote at the end (last line – beginning of the end whatsit) I used that because I think it is a PERFECT analogy for her life. Not the end of her life, but simply the end of the beginning of her life. She began as human, and that is ending. She will forever be a vampire. Now normally I am modest but I am proud of myself and I just love myself for seeing that similarity... I just think it is so perfect!!**

**Disclaimer: This is stupid. If I owned Twilight I would be out making money and giving everyone Breaking Dawn earlier instead of making you wait, and then I would read it to see what I had written. I wouldn't be here writing a FANfic.**

**Bella POV**

I was sitting in the Cullen living room, tired. We had just finished unpacking all of my belongings and clothes etc into Edward's room, and I hadn't slept for almost 36 hours.

I began to doze slightly, my head nipping back up every now and then, and I was thinking about whatever fancied my bored mind.

I listened to my heartbeat and started humming in my head a tune that went with my heart's pace. I was the only one in this whole house who had a heartbeat – even if I wouldn't have it for long. It would be nice to be able to have a pet... an animal that was warm like me. I laughed out loud at the thought. A pet in a house of vampires! Hmm... well, they were able to restrain themselves fine around humans who had much more appealing blood than any animals... it was worth a shot.

Edward stroked my hair. "What amuses you so, my love?" he murmured gently.

I went for it. "Well, I was wondering if I could get a pet, because I'm the only one living here with a heartbeat, and then I started thinking about how you guys might eat it and – OH!" I screamed. I had just thought of something _awesome_!

"What is it? Are you ok? _TALK TO ME!!" _I was just sitting there like a fool, with a massive grin on my face.

"Heheh... what if... what if you bit, like, a fish or a hamster or something and let it live? I WANT A VAMPIRE CAT!" I squealed.

Carlisle, who had just entered the room after hearing my earlier scream, froze in his tracks and Edward stiffened too. I waited smugly, knowing that this hadn't occurred to them before. Bite a human and let the venom work, and what do you get? A humanoid vampire creature. Why should the same rule not apply to other animals? Imagine King Kong as a vampire...

I snapped out of my reverie as I saw Carlisle's face stretch into a smile.

"We have simply _got _to try that," he murmured. "I only hope it doesn't hurt the poor creature too much... the pain might force it into shock and kill it... hmm... but I wonder-" he mused. With that, he turned around and walked out again, presumably to wonder about vampire animals.

I laughed again as I pictured a vampire fish. The image was so funny!

I came back down to Earth again and jumped up. "Come on Edward!" I squealed. "We're going shopping-"

"WHAT?" screamed Alice from upstairs.

"-for a pet!" I finished happily.

"NEVER MIND!" yelled Alice back down.

I smiled as he backed away, searching for a means of escape. I didn't pause to consider the irony of a vampire being terrified of _me_, because I was enjoying myself too much.

He madly dashed out of the room and I followed him into the living room, where I spotted a very unfortunate Jasper. I wrapped both arms around his waist and attempted to drag him out to my truck, and he let me, bemused. I grinned evilly to myself as I imagined him being in the middle of a pet store, looking intimidated.

I pushed him into my truck happily, and he stared at me. I saw Alice leaning against her window, slowly sliding down it as she collapsed with laughter. I gave her a little wave and she fell out of the window, still shrieking with laughter as she fell and landed messily in the bushes.

Her muffled chortling broke me into giggles as well.

I hopped into the cab and fired the engine. It rumbled happily, and I noticed Jasper's confused and amused eyes trained on me for the whole trip. We drove in silence but for our breathing and my heartbeat. He has gotten better at controlling himself now and can kiss my cheek, hug me, pick me up, anything, without having a problem. I was proud of him and happy to have him as my brother.

I pulled up outside the Forks pet store and got out, bouncing with excitement. I saw Jasper hop out, walk around to me and open his mouth to ask me something when he caught sight of the sign and gaped, looking petrified.

I took his hand and walked forwards. He followed obediently and we walked in.

He didn't have a problem resisting the blood smell because _my _blood was stronger and he had no problem with that anymore. He still looked intimidated, though, and very out of place.

I browsed through all the gorgeous little animals and found the perfect kitten which I instantly fell in love with.

It was a small, tumbly bumbly little thing with bright white fur and sharp, golden eyes. She looked like a vampire cat already! Pale, gold eyes, sharp fangs... I wondered how different she would look, and I was filled with an odd, bouncy happiness (it was very energetic) at the thought of us being changed at the same time and becoming vampires together.

I now was bonded irrevocably with the kitten and there was no way I was leaving it in that stupid little glass cage. I looked for Jasper. He was inspecting a budgie warily and I grinned.

I bounded forwards to an assistant and pointed enthusiastically at the kitten.

"You want Sylvia?" he asked pleasantly. I nodded happily and he grinned at my enthusiasm. He looked slightly too warm and he was looking me up and down a little too much... I felt myself automatically shy back slightly, and the man stepped forwards, lips curling around into a horrible smile. I took another step back, scared now, and then a cold arm wrapped around my shoulder.

I looked up just in time to see Jasper wink conspiratorially at me and then turn to the man protectively (who was looking quite put out). I thanked my lucky stars that I had Jasper with me, the automatic empath who had noticed the obvious lust in the atmosphere, and my fear. My hero!

"We'll take Sylvia, thanks. How much?" he asked calmly.

Sourly, the man replied, "200. Pedigree, she is," he snapped, having clearly raised the price just for us. Jasper smiled, and pulled out a credit card.

"Ok then," he said, striding towards the counter with me in tow. I pressed my head into his side (the top of my head only just reached the bottom of his ribcage) and walked with him, still very grateful.

He smiled down at me, then swiped the card. The sour, evil old man grumpily retrieved the gorgeous cat from its cage and dropped it unceremoniously into a box. I narrowed my eyes at that, and snatched the box from the man quickly, looking in to see if the kitten was ok. Its sparkling golden eyes stared at me sadly from the box and I wondered how well it had been treated at this store.

Jasper walked me away and we got to the truck.

"Will you drive?" I asked. I wanted to play with my new pet. He grinned and held a hand out. I tossed him the keys, cooing to my kitty.

As we drove off, I pictured myself with bright red eyes, white skin and fangs, then I pictured myself holding the cat with bright red eyes, white fur and fangs. Our eyes would shift to gold slowly and we would tame our urges together. And Edward would be there too, I guess, but still. It's even better to have someone close to you who is going through _exactly _the same thing, at exactly the same time.

I mused about how she might have her transformation faster because she is smaller and there is less of her to change. That made me a bit sad, but we would stay in the same room and everything and be together at the beginning, with Edward too.

That brought me to thinking about my life and how it was ending as a human and starting as a vampire. Later on I talked with Edward about it, how it was going to be this weekend.

"You can still back out you know," he said desperately. "I don't want to be your end!"

I cupped his face in my hands, looking into his eyes. His own softened before me and I spoke.

"See it clearly. It is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. It is, perhaps, the end of the beginning." I pulled him towards me and our lips danced the dance of love.


	2. Aftermath

**UGH! How does this always happen to me?? I go to write a oneshot, and I get so many great reviews that I make it into a story! This wont be a long one because I have lot's going.**

**I am trying to keep it light hearted so I will not put in details of the changes to vampire (pain etc) but at the start of this chapter, the change is almost over and both the cat and Bella are done. If you want a more in-depth telling of the change, read my story 'Price of Forever.' It's part of it.**

**But there's no **_**cat **_**in that one.**

**Additionally, I haven't put much in about her new senses or body or looks etc... This is supposed to be a fun piece, and to do that I have to push Bella slightly OOC but not really. It's more like I'm taking everything funny she might see, and ignoring all the misgivings she will undoubtedly have.**

**Also, to answer a reviewer's question. Wouldn't the cat's eyes be gold anyway cos he has animal blood? The cat's eyes would be gold if he drank from other animals; but if a vampire human drinks from a human his eyes are red. Therefore, if a vampire cat drinks from a cat, his eyes will be red as well. See my logic? 8D**

**Special mention to **_**bloodnoir**_**, who faithfully reviews every chapter of every story I ever write. THANKS! YOU'RE AWESOME! Yes I read every review and I do notice you C8**

**ILY to everyone else who reviews as well!! YAAAY**

**/end rant**

**Edward POV**

"Is she awake yet?" murmured Carlisle. "We have to tell her the news..."

"Not so soon after she wakes!" I hissed back urgently. "She needs to settle down first."

"I still think the cat's ok," grumped Alice. Rosalie rolled her eyes.

"And what are the odds of that?" she snapped dryly. Rosalie was still annoyed that Bella chose this life; and there was still tension between her and Bella.

"Shh!" said Esme quietly. "I think she's come to!"

We all watched with bated breath as Bella took a breath. Her heart had stopped a fair while ago and with her new senses she definitely would have noticed it. I moved forwards tentatively, still out of her sight, and I creaked a floorboard.

The reaction was instant. Bella shot out of the bed so fast I didn't see which direction she went, and all of a sudden I was on my back. Oh, she jumped at me.

Then where was she? I got up slowly. She hadn't hit me.

Emmett walked up beside me, looking carefully upwards.

I craned my neck back and saw the most amazing thing I've ever witnessed.

Bella was on the ceiling. Her hands were shoved into the plaster and she was using her core muscles to keep herself up. Her face was peering down at me quizzically, and her eyes were blood red. She was unbelievably beautiful and I could not help but stare in awe.

"Bella?" I questioned uneasily.

She cocked her head. Then her eyes widened in recognition, and she smiled, jumping down.

"Who else?" she asked. I enveloped her in a bear hug and she responded. Then Emmett was around us both, then Alice was tossing me away and hugging Bella, then Carlisle, then Jasper squeezed her hard, then Esme came forwards, parting the crowd, with Rosalie in tow.

Esme slid her arms carefully around Bella's shoulders and hugged her in that motherly way.

Bella looked over the moon at being able to hug us all tight, then her face grew a wary look as she eyes Rosalie.

Rosalie was swaying slightly, as though torn between bolting away and saying something. She settled for coming forwards and hugging Bella as well.

Everyone was shocked, most of all Bella, but she (typically) hugged back with enthusiasm. Rose smiled and stepped back.

"Sorry I didn't want you to have... this life," she began, looking uncomfortable. "But you seem to be happy... and I know it's your choice, and it's, you know, done and everything, so..."

Bella just grinned and hugged her again.

**Bella POV – A/N I know the start wasn't funny, but it was EPOV and he has no sense of humour**

After the hugging siesta, I suddenly remembered something.

"WHERE'S SYLVIA?" I screeched suddenly, ecstatically. I couldn't believe I forgot her!

I knew something was up because as soon as I mentioned my kitty, everyone shut up. I narrowed my eyes.

"Uh, so, yeah, what was up with when you hit Edward from a mile away?" said Emmett uncomfortably. I growled under my breath, enjoying the rumbling feeling in the back of my throat as I let it out.

"Oh, we're asking questions now? Ok. What's my power? How come I'm not thirsty and wild? How _did _I hit Edward without touching him? I have no idea; it was automatic. I didn't consciously try. But most of all, the question of WHERE. IS. MY. CAT?"

Carlisle sighed. "Well, we didn't want to have to tell you, but... about four hours into the transformation, the cat stopped breathing and her heart stopped. It was too early, and she went cold. She's... dead."

I stared. Isn't he supposed to be a doctor? I smirked.

"You're _happy_?" asked Esme incredulously.

I laughed, then laughed again at how good my first one sounded.

"Relax. The kitten was teeny tiny, the transformation would take like one day compared to us big humans! Well, _those _big humans," I said. I grinned at how I no longer referred to myself as human.

Carlisle was stuck on the spot, drifting in his mind. He came back after a few patient minutes.

"Brilliant," he said, surprised. "WHY DID I NOT THINK OF THAT? But... well, she still hasn't moved or anything since it happened."

"Let me see her," I said confidently.


	3. Discoveries

**Lol Bree751, you are very eager!**

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed; you are all very awesome and it does mean a lot to me. Logging on this morning and finding a review from Bree begging for more made me open up a document and start typing!**

**Putting energy into this story has slowed my others down, but I am sure you will all be pleased to know (especially bloodnoir) that my creative streak has woken up and I have some good ideas for The Price of Forever.**

**Go read my other stories if you haven't already, kk?**

**And finally, enjoy!**

**Bella POV**

We all traipsed into the adjoining room to the one I had 'woken up' in, and I silently marvelled at how I sprang with every step and I no longer tripped over atoms.

We passed a floor-length mirror on the way in and I froze, catching sight of myself for the very first time.

I was breathtaking! My cheeks and jaw had taken on a semblance similar to Edward's, but more slender and feminine. I looked a little like Rosalie too; with lovely chestnut brown hair falling down my back in random locks similar to her style. My eyes were red, but not an _evil_ bloody red; they still looked peaceful and relaxed. I had thought they would poison my appearance but I looked fine.

Edward grabbed my arm and towed me the rest of the way. I was still distracted by my beauty (teehee) so I didn't notice that I was in the same room as Sylvia until I was standing right in front of her.

My smile grew and I found myself reaching out to stroke her gently.

Her eyes flipped open.

Everyone else in the room gasped as Sylvia's fur fluffed up and she started to hiss. Edward went to pull me back, and I flicked my wrist at him, intending to shoo him away, but he flew into the wall behind us.

Cool! I was telekinetic! So that's how I hit him without touching him!

"So that's how you hit him without touching him!" said Emmett unnecessarily. I rolled my eyes and turned back to my cat.

"Hi there, Sylvia," I cooed.

_Hello, mistress._

I stood up, jumping backwards. Sylvia's intelligent eyes followed me around.

"What?" I asked shakily. "Did you just say that to me or am I crazy?"

"You're crazy," I heard Edward mutter under his breath as he clambered back through the hole I made in the wall when I flipped him through it.

_You are not crazy, mistress._

I stared at her, a smile growing on my face.

"We must really be bonded," I said quietly. "I thought I was just kidding myself, but I felt like we were connected somehow!"

Carlisle made a move to ask me a question, but I just shook my head.

_It is indeed strange, mistress._

"You don't need to call me mistress."

_Okay, mistress._

I bent over and Sylvia silently twined herself around my neck, purring gently. I stood up with a huge smile on my face.

"I can talk to her, and she understands! She talks back, I can hear her," I explained, tapping my temple.

Edward scoffed that. "I would be able to hear her if that was true."

"Can you hear animals, Edward?" I snapped, annoyed at him being annoyed. This was my special moment. "No. You can't. That must be my power, along with the telekinesis."

"I don't think so..." said Carlisle musingly. "It seems that the bond was already strong; some sort of anomaly of Mother Nature, and you both becoming vampires made it possible to have a real connection. See if you can talk to her in your head as well." I complied.

_Can you hear my thoughts, Sylvia?_

_No, mistress. Only when you direct them to me, and I you._

I relayed that information. "Excellent!" said Carlisle. "This is quite interesting.

"What about her major personality trait?" asked Alice.

"Well, she isn't screaming about her thirst and destroying things. I'd say her personality trait is her aversion to blood makes her able to control herself," suggested Esme. "And the cat seems to be the same. You two must share personalities as well."

"Is it a telekinetic cat?" asked Emmett suddenly.

_Yes, you large fool. _I heard Sylvia remark dryly. I burst into laughter.

"What?" he asked sourly.

"'Yes, you large fool,' she said," I said, still laughing. That set everyone else off.

"It takes more energy for her, seeing as she is so small, to do something I can do would probably kill her. She should stick to the small stuff," I said.

_I can still do this, mistress._

Suddenly Emmett was being assaulted by a series of nails that my terrific cat had somehow wrenched from the wall.

He was running around screaming like a five year old girl, and I fell over laughing, with Sylvia's own mirth echoing in my head.

_Stop, Sylvia! _I chuckled.

_This is fun, mistress. You should try it._

I sighed, and concentrated on the nails. I made them retreat back to their original positions.

Sylvia rolled her red eyes and leapt nimbly back onto my shoulders.

_My throat burns, mistress, _Sylvia reported more solemnly now.

"We are both thirsty," I said to Edward. "Will you show us how to hunt?" Edward's dejected face brightened and he took my hand. I realised I had been ignoring him in my pleasure with Sylvia, and I leaned forwards for a kiss.

"Let's drink our fill, my love," he told me.

"Let us indeed, my love," I replied.

_I am sickened by this display, _remarked my cat.

**Sorry if this is a boring chapter; it was just filler to set up the next chain of events! The next chapter may be a while because I want to lift the veil of neglect that I have draped on my other stories ever since I started this one.**


	4. Hunting

**Chapter up! Yay! I'm sure you're all ecstatic. **

**Bloodnoir, you're awesome.**

**Everyone go check out Bree751's new story All Gone, she is a beginner and would like reviews!**

**And on that note, so do I. REVIEW!!**

**Sylvia POV (because I know you all love Sylvia the most)**

My vampire and her mate exchanged sweet talk as we trekked (well, they trekked and I sat aboard) into the centre of the forest. I attempted to make her go faster several times, but she just shooed me from her mind and continued the soppy one-liners.

At that instant, the most incredible scent I have ever smelled struck my nose. I was off like a shot, bolting towards it. The scent pressed all thoughts out of my mind, even using telekinesis to catch my meal. I just had to run and run until that mouth-watering scent was before me. I vaguely noted my mistress screaming to me out loud and in her head, and they both chased me.

That did no good. I am a vampire cat. Compare a regular human to a regular cat; and the cat will run circles around it, jump higher than it, and have better senses than it...

Compare now a _vampire _human and a _vampire _cat. They didn't stand a chance; I could run literally as fast as bullets at my top speed. They probably couldn't even smell what I was chasing yet.

I could tell I was getting closer and closer to my prey and with my amazing eyesight I quickly identified my prey as a cat. I felt a brief stab of remorse about killing a former member of my race, but the thirst topped my moral side.

I made sure at least to kill her quickly.

As I lapped up the blood quickly, I wondered to myself why the cat smelled so good to me. I put it down (accurately as it turned out) to how it seemed to be a rule that vampires found their former species almost irresistible as a meal. Humans would most likely smell average to me; as did other animals I passed on my way to my meal.

I realised that I must have left my mistress and her mate miles behind, and after one last sad glance at my meal, I took off to find them.

**Bella POV**

"SYLVIA!" I screamed after her. Then in my head.

_SYLVIA! WHERE ARE YOU GOING? _I couldn't smell anything appetising and I couldn't identify anything that might have frightened her. She shoved me from her mind and continued away.

The tears I couldn't sob welled behind my eyes and I longed to weep for my friend. I found myself thinking that she must have left for good, like everyone seemed to.

__

_8 minutes later_

I was so wrapped up in my worries that I didn't notice a miserable Sylvia twine herself around my shoulders quietly, after having silently jumped to meet me. My would-be rejoicing was cut off by her mood.

_Sylvia?_

She opened her mind to me and nosed my neck sadly. A rush of images and thoughts and memories flooded my mind and I saw her hunting a cat. I saw her memory of thinking about how she smelled cats like I would smell humans. I heard her regret, guilt and sadness at how she was as much as a monster as I would consider myself if I ever preyed on a human. I saw it all, and I comforted her.

Her tortured eyes rose to meet mine, and I was surprised to see that they were bright red. She looked down, ashamed, and I reached out to her with my mind again, remembering that to her it was the equivalent of me killing a human, hence her eye colour.

_Hey, it's ok. Everyone makes mistakes._

_Mm. _She replied non committaly.

_Really, it's ok; I know how you must feel. _I sensed how little she believed that, and it struck me again how truly sentient she was. I smiled softly. _We will fight our urges together. I will almost definitely have the same reaction when I meet my first human._ I realised that I had shuddered at that.

_I am sorry I made you feel this way, mistress. You wouldn't have been worrying if I had been strong. _She said glumly.

I denied her comfort as Edward stroked her softly. _Don't you dare place blame on yourself for this! I dragged you into this world without a thought of your intelligence and choices... thinking back I feel terribly selfish for it._

She looked at me, honestly flickered in her bloody eyes. _I would not take it back. My old life held no tempt for me. I belong with you... mistress._

I grinned and relayed our conversation to Edward. He chuckled softly and turned his attention to Sylvia. "Don't worry," he said. "I was much worse."

That seemed to settle it, and after I had a quick bite of a black bear, we set off for home at a paced walk. We talked and laughed and sometimes we were just quiet. Sylvia's witty remarks in my head always made me laugh and when I relayed them to Edward, he always laughed harder. She was quite remarkable; we both agreed.

Upon returning, Alice met us and had already told everyone else what had happened. She went to take Sylvia from my shoulder for a hug with her, but she vehemently refused to budge until I smiled to her and murmured for her to go.

Alice took her off me and promptly settled onto the floor, stroking her and murmuring 'my precious' over and over again. Some kind of Lord of the Rings parody? I will never know. It is Alice, after all.

**Hope it wasn't too boring. This chapter was not a funny one because I had heaps of theories and ideas I wanted to get out of my system and I needed at least one serious chapter in my story. **

**Next one will be funnier, promise. And bloodnoir; I haven't forgotten you. Wait a few chapters and you will see... ahem... that THING we discussed.**

**How I love tormenting the people who aren't in on the secret! And blood, if you tell ANYONE, no matter how much they bribe you; I will kill you. 8D**


	5. Insanity

**Hai guise! Sorry this chapter took so long to put up. It's the last one (I can just hear the collective AWWWW) and since I have so many stories going it took time.**

**Anyway, it is finally Sabrina's time to SHINE LIKE NOSE OF REINDEER!**

**This is going to be a funny, random chapter with funny bits and a few jokes that will be funny to everyone, but **_**hysterical **_**to some of my friends who know the inside joke. 8D**

**I think this is a refreshing story; because it's a break for all the emotional ones, and I'm trying to keep it that way. Enjoy!**

**Bella POV**

Sylvia and I hadn't spoken of that incident since it happened a few weeks ago, and we are both adjusting quickly. The only time I ever slipped was when I pounced a camper and in mid-pounce Edward pounced me, then I broke free and Jasper pounced me. After I got rid of him (I had to use telekinesis to get rid of him because he made me really tired) Emmett pounced me. I finally threw him off and staggered upright to claim my meal when Carlisle wrapped himself around me and refused to let go. I was so distracted screaming "RAPE! SOMEONE SAVE ME!" that my thirst was momentarily forgotten. **(AN – I know that pretty much nothing distracts thirst of vampire, but stfu. It's my story and it's frigging FUNNY). **I mean seriously; every Cullen man has now been on top of me. Shudder... what an off-putting thought.

After that lovely experience; my thirst bothered me no longer.

Sylvia was a little more difficult because she was faster than us. She slipped once more and was so disgusted with herself that she refused to hunt for several days. We brought her food to her and made her eat it. She could have gotten away, but she knew as well as us that it would be much harder to resist her urges if she was thirsty when she hunted. She has adjusted well too and we both have been out in public several times.

Anyway, on this fine day, Edward and I were strolling casually through the woods, searching for a meadow like the one at home for us to call our own. Sylvia insisted on accompanying us and she was a few paces ahead, sniffing fungus and muttering in her head about how slow we were.

When I laughed randomly, it irked Edward to no end. Just think; the one exception EVER to his power; I am the most frustrating thing to him, and I go create another exactly like me; but this one is funnier, wittier, more annoying and much more interesting.

I thought so, anyway. She ignored me whenever I spoke like that; having given up trying to convince me otherwise and Edward denied it because he was annoyed at Sylvia anyway. She made fun of his poofy hair and he's never gotten over it.

"Do you think-" Edward began, when suddenly Sylvia screeched painfully and bolted. She streaked behind us and leapt onto my shoulder, hissing ferociously and growling at a spot ahead of us. I would have been laughing hysterically at the comical image of her spiked up fur had she not had strong barriers in her mind – that usually meant she was freaked out or embarrassed.

I squinted ahead; still able to see nothing. Her vision was to ours like a regular cat's is to a human's – much, much better. I smelled the 'thing' before I saw it. It had a familiar yet distant smell. Vampiric definitely, and smooth. Smells are hard to describe. I stared ahead tensely before I realised Edward was not beside me. I whirled around, scanning around me. I heard a giggle and looked down. I saw Edward hunched on the ground, shaking with laughter. I stared with my mouth slightly open at his random stance.

He noticed me looking and mutely pointed ahead. I looked up and saw something that made me laugh too. I knew it must not be serious; otherwise Edward would have killed it. It must have been thinking really strange thoughts to make Edward laugh.

A short vampire was spinning around like a drunk, bumping into trees and squealing in excitement. Sylvia was on my shoulder, indignant at having overreacted to this vampire, and she licked herself nonchalantly. She had lowered the barriers of her mind.

_Overreact much, Sylvia? _I asked dryly while still laughing.

_Hey, you would have too if you smelled an idiot coming towards you at 200 miles per hour. _She remarked, annoyed. I rolled my eyes and focused again on the strange figure in front of me.

She was still bouncing around, her hands waving to some unheard rhythm, and she was cackling madly. I just stared at this insane creature. Edward beside me was now convulsing.

Personally, I didn't think it was _that _funny, but Edward had never really been normal.

The figure saw me. It stopped, then tripped over backwards laughing manically like an ADHD witch.

Edward had dragged himself laboriously from the ground, giggling.

"Sabrina Blackblood. She is doing her happy dance," he explained. I still didn't see why it was so funny.

_Is she on crack? _asked Sylvia. That was what got me hysterical – she didn't realise exactly how funny that was to me.

_She actually might be. I wonder if crack affects vampires? _I wondered out loud in my head (there's a sentence I never thought I'd say).

As 'Sabrina' continued with her happy dance, I dragged Edward along with me and we discarded our search for a meadow to back away slowly.

The strange vampire watched us carefully and then burst into tears and fled in the other direction. We stared after her, completely confused, and Sylvia smugly remarked that the crack was wearing off.

As we walked back, bemused, I suddenly asked Edward is crack affected vampires.

"No! Maybe... I mean, I'm not sure, but who knows what harm it could do! Um... gee, the sky is a nice colour today..." his attempt at distracting me was even poorer than usual, and he knew it.

_That is something we are definitely going to try Crack time! _I told Sylvia.

_Right behind you, mistress._

**Aw, it's the end. Sad face D8. Read some of my other stories if you like my writing, which would be flattering :D. My other ones are more plot-based; this one was just a bit of fun. Review, please!**

**Also, Sab, I hope this was good, hehe. I was kinda out of ideas by the time I sat to write this and the final chapter was a by-product of all the insanity that accumulates in my head cos I am not allowed to put it into my other, more serious stories. You are officially the first vamp on crack XD**


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